Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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