Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize