You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
