she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize