oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
