what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i think my cat just said my name.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
