I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
