I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
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sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
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For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."