The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.