I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me