Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
cat food counts as protein by the way
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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