I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
