you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
soo... how was my night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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