Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
