Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she woke up with a sticky ear
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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