Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
