I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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