ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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