She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
