The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
