A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
