He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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