Me. At least after what I've been through.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
