Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize