I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
