my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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