Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize