put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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