Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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