I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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