I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
