he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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