Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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