Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize