remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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