dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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