4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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