is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
