you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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