i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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