you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
