im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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