just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
