found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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