you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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