Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.