whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
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I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.