isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.