Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.