I didn't shave. On purpose
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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