I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
