i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dignity is for republicans.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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