oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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