Cold hands, warm shart.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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