i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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