sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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